Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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