It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
