i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
