yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
