I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
