idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
