I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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