Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
