I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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