So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize