Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
