Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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