guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
