I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
