I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
These tits shall not be calmed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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