whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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