That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
