its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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