Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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