I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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