u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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