how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
