im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want a musical about memes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
