Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
