I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
