She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
