Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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