Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
