Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
