I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
