I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
