Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
