btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
