the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
