Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
