Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
