WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
