what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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