This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
