then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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