And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
