I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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