So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize