I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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