You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
