dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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