So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
