i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize