defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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