he thought i was a dude.
i think i have two assholes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
