My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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