I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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