I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
