oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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