Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
