UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
