There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
