I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
