vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
