I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
