Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
