How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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