Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
