So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
