You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
