im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
