I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
