you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize