me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
